“We’re not laughing at you, we’re laughing near you.” – Robin Williams, Dead Poet’s Society

So one of my best pals on here, Pat Coakley, has challenged me to submit an entry in the subject of “regret”. You can see that challenge here.

Pat is one of the best photographers I’ve followed on here… or anywhere for that matter. It’s funny to think of someone that takes crystal clear shots of a sunset or a building with just the right amount of light, or pictures of an everyday item making it seem abstract, communicating with a guy who takes pictures of himself acting like a retard. But hey, that’s life I guess.

You will not regret a stop by her page, I assure you.

Anyhoo, here is my offering to her series.

To ask me if I have any regrets would be like asking Elton John if he had any musical soundtracks. Where to begin?

My first thought was this:

“yee-hoo.”

What the fuck was I thinking? Well, my mom was dating a country singer at the time. He was a nice guy for sure… but he was a little annoying too. He was one of those guys that brought his acoustic guitar everywhere. You know the type. You’d be at a party and all of a sudden the guy would pull out the thing and break into song. There was always this look of bemusement on everyone at the event, because what kind of dick would like himself that much to start singing out uninvited?! PARTY-FOUL!

Well, he did treat my mom well and he bought me the hat.

(Sidebar: I wanted a Millennium Falcon… but I got the hat instead.)

So I wore it for my 5th grade picture… and everyone from the bullies to my best friend took shots at me all day and beyond.

This all could have been avoided if I got what Star Wars item I wanted, or had the foresight to take the fucking hat off!

Ah, well.

One of my biggest regrets ever though, was selling this:

That’s right, folks. That is Amazing Fantasy # 15… which I’m sure ALL of you know is the first appearance of Spider-Man.

That was on sale in the mid-80’s for $1000.00 at a local comic book store. That price is crazy considering what one of that quality is worth now.

I was working as a dishwasher at a restaurant, so I wasn’t exactly raking it in. One day I decided that I wanted to buy the book and the store allowed me to put it on lay-away. So every week over months and months I would go in and put down $10-$20 towards the cost of the book. And I will never forget the feeling I had at 16 years old or so when I made my last payment and walked home with it in my hands. I went into my room and opened it up to smell it first. (I do this with all old comic book purchases… old comic book smell is in my top 3 favorite smells). Then I read it in full. I read it several times previously in reprinted form, but never the original. I stored it away for safekeeping afterwards and life was good.

(Sidebar: Until I went to school the next day and ran from kids trying to kick my ass, that is).

In 1989 I rented my first apartment. Unfortunately, I was WAY over my head in expenses. At that time I didn’t know jack about finances and how to budget. It got to the point that I always had an empty fridge and would let my phone get disconnected. I’d only turn the heat on when I really felt I needed to be warm, just to stay in the apartment. What a dope I was.

I even left my beloved Kraft Mac & Cheese in favor of Prince Mac & Cheese because it was 10 for $1 instead of 6. Grim!

When push came to shove, I finally had to sell a lot of my stuff to pay off some bad debts that I rang up. And I sadly had to part with that wonderful book. The worst part is that I sold my entire collection for less than that one book itself. How much does THAT suck?

I still regret that… not just for the money. But for the significance it meant to me at that time in my life. It was the first time that I saved up for anything. I know I had to sell it. But there is a part of me that saw myself as a bum sitting in an alcove in Boston somewhere holding onto my Amazing Fantasy # 15.

That said, the only problem with that scenario is that it would have a WHOLE different smell, and certainly fall out of my top 3 favorite smells.

See? I fell better already.