“No reason… I just like doin’ dings like dat” – David Patrick Kelly, The Warriors

“Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is a psychiatric anxiety disorder most commonly characterized by a subject’s obsessive, distressing, intrusive thoughts and related compulsions (tasks or “rituals“) which attempt to neutralize the obsessions.”

My mom has a running joke about me. My aforementioned autistic sister Heather is considered ‘high functioning’. My mom’s theory is that the autistic part that Heather missed on may have preceded her and landed right here.

Thanks, Mom.

With more talk like that, there will be no Hamilton Beach mixers under your Christmas tree this year. I hope this is still a face only you can love.

I have a pretty sharp memory for sure. When I worked in purchasing in my early 20’s, I’d remember almost 100 different 6 digit vendor numbers. Plus, ALL of their phone numbers. Not to mention almost every catalog number of every item we sold.

There were people I worked with that told me I should join the CIA. Well, that’s not going to happen. First, I’m not good at getting potentially tortured. I got a splinter earlier & it STILL smarts.

And second… I couldn’t even get past Algebra I in high school! I still take issue with the practice of mixing letters and arithmetic. No, I don’t want to divide 6D into 43B. Fuck you.

I know I have issues, though. Observe:

CD’s -  Organized in alphabetical order. Check.

             By true alphabetical order… Abba before Aerosmith. Ok.

             Oh… I have to have them by order by release as well.

              Yes… Revolver must follow Rubber Soul. Green must follow

              Eponymous. In Utero follows Nevermind. That’s how it has to be.   

If I find one of them out of order, I put it back. I have to do this, because my wife thinks that it’s funny to move them to see how long it takes me to discover that a CD is in the wrong place. True love is hard to find.

Movies  -  I have them on my shelf like EVERYONE does… in order by director, of course.

I have a love/hate relationship with the Criterion Collection, though. They usually choose great cinema to restore and put in their collection of DVD’s. However, the fuckers put NUMBERS on the binders! I’ll tell you how this is bad for me.

1.         How can I put them out of numerical order on my shelf?

2.         If I did put them in numerical order, how can I put them by director?

3.         Oh… I also will have to buy EVERY one of them. Why? Because I couldn’t live with missing numbers. I hate Michael Bay, & just about everything the guy has made. But I HAD to buy Armageddon… a terrible movie… because it was number 40! I couldn’t not have number 40. That would drive me crazy.

       I ended up solving my problems with Criterion easily. I STOPPED buying them. I was finding myself buying movies I didn’t like because of the fucking binder numbers. I don’t know why.

I bought 2001: A Space Odyssey (most likely my favorite film) on DVD. It had an Arthur C Clarke interview on it. Not a great interview, but it was there. Then.. they came out with a 7 disc Kubrick box set. I bought it. But I had to sell my 2001, because the binder color wouldn’t have matched the others. THEN… they came out with a NEW box set.. NOW with 9 Kubrick films. This had a ‘box set only’ documentary included. Well, I have to have that, right? So, I sold the 7 box (taking it in the shorts on E-Bay, being undervalued now) and bought the 9 box. So, I plug in 2001… and the Clarke interview ISN’T FUCKING ON THERE! So, what do I do? I went back on E-Bay & bought the same one that I had in the first place. I couldn’t live without the interview, I couldn’t live without matching cases, I couldn’t live with the extra DVD to have the same covers of the box, because it’s not IN the box. So, I own two and have to repeat this every time somebody asks why.

I’m befuddled by my books. I’d like to have them by author. However, I dislike having taller books next to smaller books. So that’s a crapshoot for me. Any solutions would be appreciated.

I can’t look at a superhero & not divide them into Marvel or DC. I can’t … I’ve tried.

At the last wedding I went to, I ended up in suite after the reception. A guy told me… “The beers are in there!” I look to see where ‘there’ is… it’s in the BATHROOM. I’m a little concerned at this point. When I go in, I notice that the bathtub is loaded with ice & beers.

Shortly after, I see my brother-in-law with a beer.

“Not drinking?” he asks.

“Nope.” I say.

“Why not… you’re staying over here tonight”.  He says.

“Well, I don’t want my mouth surrounding a bottle that has been shared with every person that’s bathed in that fucking tub. You can have at it if you want”.

 A minute later, he dumps his out in the sink.

Don’t mention it Danny.

When Jeanne and I were dropping our daughter Kate off at preschool, we made an interesting observation. All of the kids came in before us, and they just threw their shoes off in a pile in the corner. Before Kate went into class, she went over to the shoes, paired them all up, and lined them against the wall neatly. That’s about when Jeanne started glaring at me. I just said “Well, she has your hair… heh heh”.

For the record, I find that there are 973 words in this blog (including this sentence) by my first count. Don’t worry, I’ll double-check my count later. As long as there’s no Algebra.