“They say he has a 50/50 chance… of course, there’s only a 10% chance of that”. – Naked Gun

I am so sick of the guaranteed win in sports. Why do people still do that? Why can’t you just play the game & try to make a statement by winning?

The latest chucklehead to do it is the Steelers’ Anthony Smith referring to the game with the Patriots last year. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that I knew Pittsburgh wass going to lose…they may very well have won. But can’t you just come in strong, play hard & shut your fucking mouth? Joe Namath has the quintessential guarantee, & I’ll give Pat Riley his due since he did it long after Broadway Joe. But after Pat, there was an increase of athletes throwing guarantees out there. Annoying!

Take a look over iron-clad Anthony’s quote: “Yeah, I can guarantee a win. As long as we come out and do what we got to do. Both sides of the ball are rolling, and if our special teams come through for us, we’ve got a good chance to win.” 
Reading that, it looks like he was KIND-OF guaranteeing a win. He might as well have said “I guarantee a win … if we have more points than them at the end of the game”. A-hole.

The worst part is that there really isn’t anything to lose. What happens if you guarantee a win but you lose? You tell the press, “Well, I guess I was wrong about that ol’ prediction I had, huh? Heh heh”. I think the press should tear up these guys if they lose. I’d love it if just once after a loss, in the aftergame interview, a reporter asks that athlete: “So (insert name), are you prepared to issue a guarantee for your NEXT game as well”? Truthfully, I think they should bust their balls for the rest of their life. Wouldn’t it be great if 40 years later in a rocking chair interview, people ask him “(insert name), do you GUARANTEE you’ve retired”?

I guarantee they all can suck my balls.